So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
They Jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?
“Because they always wanted a daddy.”
Why do the orphans keep going back to the orphan home?
Because they got no home to go to, yeah, please like this and laugh because I got no one to read this.
Why are orphans prostitutes?
So they can call someone "daddy."
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"
Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."
His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"
Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.
Why are drums and autistic people the same?
They both go "uh uh uh uh uh uh!"
Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped.
Why do people watch hentai?
Because they are as fake as pornstars are.
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
What do women and Nvidia have in common?
They both do not make very good drivers.
Why can the orphan only go to restaurants?
Because they can't have homemade meals.
Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
