They jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didnβt; they invented an elevator.
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
Memes
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?
Because they are really committed to their cause.
World leaders are so old, they've got nostalgia for the Cambrian explosion.
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Knock, knock. Who's there? An armless person. Why? They got stumped on why they contacted you.
Why do gay people only stand crooked? Cuz they canβt be straight.
Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Dad: Don't know, why?
Son: Because they taste funny.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.
Yo mama is so old that when she was in history class as a kid, all they learned about was themselves!