They Jokes

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.

The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.

Towing ropes can't be learned. They must be taut.

Did you know that new Teslas don't come with the new car smell?

They come with an Elon Musk.

When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?

If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.

What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.

Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?

if priests were on Twitter, they would tweet, "He's a 10 but he's 10."

Why can't Asians play Baseball?

Because they ate the bat.

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

What do depressed people do when they’re bored?

They “Hang” Out.

What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.

Why can't orphans be gay? Because then they would be home-osexual.

Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing. They fast!

Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.