They jokes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how big they are and how hard you throw them.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
To the people who have seen "Meet The Fockers" at the movies and they hated it, Fock You, Motherfockers!
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.
A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.
Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...
If you turn Down syndrome upside down, do they have Up syndrome now?
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.
I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.
How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
Why do cows have hooves?
Because they lactose!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.