Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes into a bank, they turn off the cameras.
