They jokes
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
Life has ups and downs, and they had downs.
When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?
Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.
They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
I heard Microsoft got charged, why?
They couldn’t reboot Stephen Hawking.
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
Don't trust the atoms, because they make up everything.
They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.
Why are mountains so funny? Because they are so high!
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?
Because they are high.