They jokes
Why can't gay people play Baseball? They can't throw the ball straight.
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
What do McDonalds and priests both do?
They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims, they went through 700 stories in 10 seconds.
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims, they went through 72 stories in less than 10 seconds.
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove box.
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
Why are mountains very cold?
Because they are very cold.
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.