They jokes
The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?
There isn't one; they are both the same thing.
Why did the Columbine High School basketball team lose the big game?
Because they lost their two best shooters...
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.
After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.
Why do toy bears have small eyes?
Because they were made in China.
Why do toy bears have small eyes? Because they were made in China.
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
Why couldn't Cinders use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?
Because they were too busy playing stable tennis!
Son: “Mom, is there a thing called «friendship» between a man and a woman?”
Mother: “No Son, unless if he’s gay.”
Son: “So your friend is gay?”
Mother with herself: «How did he see me with michael omg if my husband discovered my cheating he will kill me»
Mother: “Mmm.. Yes.”
Father loudly: “YES!!!”
Mother: “What in the hell? Are you gay?”
Father with himself: «Am i an idiot why did i yell?! if she discovered I’m gay and her son was made by Paul’s semens she will kill me»
Father: “No what are saying? I’m just talking with myself.”
*A few hours later*
Mother: “I will go to visit my mother.”
Father: “Me too I will go to visit my mother.”
Son: “Not me too I will go to stud with my friends.”
The mother and the father goes to michael’s house and they found their son playing with Michael and Paul is recording them and saying: «that’s why I love you my actual son oh only if your mother knows».
*The End* :D
What did the two oceans say to each other?
Nothing. They just waved.
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
My wife and I were at the park with our little princess today.
We decided to go back home, then some jerk had the nerve to shout, "Stop those two! They have my daughter!"
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."
Student: "I need that."
Why don't bulls play archery? They might hit a bulls-eye.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?
They never get old.