They jokes
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.
Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
It's a shame Iran doesn't know how to restrain Israel. If only they had Hitler's expertise.
Now he really would be THE FINAL SOLUTION!
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find Homeplate.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
Japan takes credit for creating the rice cooker, but they forgot the USA made the largest one in 1945 and sent it to Japan.