My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.
I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen đź–Š đź–Š.
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.
What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
Q. What do Danielle Smith and a squirrel have in common?
A. They both always have a mouth full of nuts.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
Donald Trump and Fanta both have some things in common.
They are both orange and were conceived from Nazis!
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
What do you call the Illuminati when they take over the world and control everything?
The Jew World Order.
When Canadians get hurt, they don't go "ouch," they go "ooch!"
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
Why should you never trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
