They jokes
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?
Because there were no more planes.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."
What do autistic retards and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms, lol.
Communists don't play Minecraft.
They play Ourcraft.
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can't even.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.