They jokes

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”

Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.

My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.

Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?

Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!