They jokes
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
They say people can have a sharp mind. Yours is like a dull knitting needle.
When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
I complained to my landlord that carpenter ants were getting into the timbers. He was dismissive.
"They're Karen Carpenter ants, they don't eat much of anything."
A pair of Newfies decide to visit Toronto. They drive through Nova Scotia, through New Brunswick, through Montréal, Kingston, Oshawa... then they see a sign that says "Toronto Left", so they turn back around and go home.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
Are your hairline and forehead friends? Because they go way back.
What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?
They both use lots of oil.
Why are S and U never thirsty?
They drink tea (T).
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.
I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.
Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.
Why do Jews suck at mugging?
Because all they ask for is the spare change in your pockets.
Australia needs YOUR help!
ISIS brides are coming to Australia! They need to go back to where they came from. Help us before they blow us up like the terrorists they are!
Did you know they made a porn site for pirates?
It's called Heavy Arrrrrrg.
So, this kid told me what high school he was going to and asked me if I thought he would make it in.
I said, "No, they don't have double doors."
Why are transgender people like confused kids?
Because they both don't know what they want to be in life.