Thereness jokes

Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No silly, cows go moo!

This joke does not work in print, you have to speak it to someone.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Helen Keller.

Helen Keller who?

(Don't say anything).

Helen Keller who?

...you will get a laugh...ty.

Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly!

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.

One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"

The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"

Your forehead is so big, the moon landing was there.

Steven Hawking said there is no God,

Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.

*trigger alert*

Why did the racist cop shut down the space brothel?

Because there were too many black holes.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

Because they actually have a father there.

I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.

After a minute, a boy stands up.

The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.

The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

The fool says in his brain, "There is a god."

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.

- That girl was hot. - She's my cousin!

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

There is no god. None, not one.

I was on a website doing homework, and there was this funny a** commercial banner saying: "Eat a bag of Dick's!" It was the funniest sh*t ever!