Thereness jokes

Why are Americans so good at solving Rubik's Cubes?

Because they're good at separating colors.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.

Why did the rapper carry an UMBRELLA?

Because he heard there was a 50% chance of "Lil Wayne."

There are 206 bones in the human body.

207 when I'm at a nursery.

I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.

There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

Why are there no chemists in Africa?

Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.

There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

Ugh, I hate anons, they're so anonnoying.

There used to be Wonder Woman.

Now we wonder, what is a woman?

How to cure boredom:

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

A kid asks Trump:

Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"

Trump: "There they are, bud!"

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock." "Who?" "Knock, knock you."

Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

Why can orphans never walk home?

Because there's no way to go.