Thereness jokes

Girl

    • A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

  • 1

    • Pencil

    • Me: Knock knock.

    Friend: Who's there?

    Me: A broken pencil.

    Friend: A broken pencil who?

    Me: Nevermind, it's pointless.

    Money

    • This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

  • 1

    • Knock knock

    • Hi, um okay... Knock! Knock! Who's there? Doris! Doris who? Doris look I need the key!

    Um...oh here another one! Okay...so sorry I type random things on these joke sites...anyway...okay. What is a book never written: "Beautiful sites of the corel rife written by the ocean!"

    Thereness memes

    Hockey

    • Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?

    It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.

  • 3

    • Grim Reaper

    • Knock knock.

    Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.

    Grim Reaper who?

    The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.

  • 1

    • Sister

    • There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

    When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

  • 1

    • Parachute

    • Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”

  • 7

    • Nut

    • Me: Let's go to Randy's.

    Friend: There's no Randy's.

    Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.

  • 1

    • Punch Line

    • There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

    At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

  • 8

    • Knock knock

    • US Marine: Knock knock!

    Al Qaeda fighter: Who's there?

    US Marine: (Kicks down door, throws grenade, opens fire) FREEDOM, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!

  • 0