Thereness jokes

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.

Knock! Knock!

Who’s there? Control Freak. Con... OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”

Son: Mom, can I tell you something?

Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?

Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!

Mom: Well, I made you.

What's the same about boxes and children?

They're both found in basements.

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.

Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it's pointless!

Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

A man with a drum.

"Well, tell him to beat it!"

Knock knock. Who's there? Ach. Ach who? Bless you!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Snow.

Snow who?

Snow use, you wouldn't get it.

Prankster kid: Knock knock.

Neighbor: Who's there?

...

So I walk into Orchids Of Asia. I come out three minutes later with the best massage of my life. What's the catch? Aye, there, matey, the catch of the day be crabs.

There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.

They always make me cry.

I have some jokes about popcorn.

Nah, they're too corny.

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their mummy?

Why are Americans so good at solving Rubik's Cubes?

Because they're good at separating colors.