Thereness jokes
There were 5 people on an airplane.
1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world
The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."
"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."
The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.
The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.
The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.
Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"
And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"
I went on an orphan website. Sadly, there was no home page.
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.
So, if there is a 7-Eleven and a 911, where's 811?
Why aren't orphans scared of getting in trouble at school?
Because they can't call their parents.
Why does Michael Jackson like 44-year-olds? There's 4 of them.
I ain't f***ing with you, there's 1 million things I'd rather f***ing do.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jesus.
Jesus who?
Jesus Christ, open the door!
How are genders different than the Twin Towers?
There are two genders.
How are genders and the Twin Towers alike?
There was 2, now it's a sensitive subject.
Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?
I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.
Oh, I just love talking to orphans.
Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
Why do orphans hate plane rides?
Because there’s no home to come back to.
You know it’s called the circle of life? Because there’s no point to it.
Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.
Why can’t an orphan play GTA?
Because they're not wanted.