Thereness jokes
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.
What's the best competition to do with an orphan?
Which orphan had their parent for the longest?
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Gay.
Gay who?
You're gay.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
Little Johnny has no arms. Knock, knock, who's there?
Not Johnny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in!
Like if you laugh.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
Why can you hit an orphan?
Because they can’t tell their parents.
The guy called up to the orphanage, then he asked, "Where are the kids' faces?"
Then another guy said, "Sorry, there's no homepage."
There is nothing gayer than butt slapping the ass at Hooters.
What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs.