Thereness jokes

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

There are 206 bones in my body.

When I look at you, it becomes 207.

Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.

Imagine there's a funny joke here... imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you're schizophrenic.

Asian pregnancy test:

Stick a Rubix cube into pussy.

Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.

If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

Knock, knock.

(Who’s there?)

It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.

Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?

Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

Why are there no fat people in Japan?

Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.

Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?

There, there, over there, and over here too.

Why shouldn’t you call people in China?

Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.

Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.

Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:

1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps

There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.

Yo mama so fat that when Thanos snapped his fingers, she was still there.