Thereness jokes

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Not Sally.

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

  • 1

    • So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"

    And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."

    Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"

    And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."

    And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"

    A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

    There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"

    What do cheetahs wear to work?

    They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!

    There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

    Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

  • 2

    • You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.

    Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.

    If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

  • 8

    • What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.

    (The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.

    Why did Suzy fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.

    Knock knock. Who’s there? Not Suzy.