Thereness jokes
What's the best thing about 23 year olds? There are twenty of them.
Knock knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollinnnnnn!
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use, you wouldn't get it.
Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...
If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"
If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
There was a cleaning lady with a vacuum cleaner. She sucked!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why are hill billies so weird? Because their name is Billy.
*Knock Knock* Who's there? Social Services...
There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?