There jokes

If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.

The kid just hangs there.

What did the talking rope say to the man?

"Just hang in there."

When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"

And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."

Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."

And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"

And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"

And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"

And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Why are dogs different than orphans?

Because dogs don't cry for their parents.

What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.

Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.

Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!

In Saudi Arabia, there lived a man named Abdul.

Abdul rhymes with Azul, the Spanish word for blue.

And he probably be lookin' more blue than me.

Why was there a, ummmmm, a cow?

.......... To moo.

There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?

A pentagon.

I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.

Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?

There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.

I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.

As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.

Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

Fat kid jumps in the pool.

The popular girl: "I thought there was going to be a tsunami."

The fat kid: "I thought trash was not supposed to be in the ocean."

Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

What happened when two invisible giants knocked over their blocks?

9/11.

There was this Down syndrome boy that always wanted to be a cop, and he did. He pulled someone over and said, "Know why I pulled you over?"

The guy replied, "Because I was speeding?"

He said, "No, because you're black."

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

...Because there's always a cast!