Therapy jokes

What is long, brown, and cures depression?

A noose.

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.

Now we wait...

Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”

The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”

He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.

I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.

Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.

A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.

(demons in my head) I laugh to meet them...

A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

1. just feeling sad. 2. depression. 3. self harm. 4. suicide.

Me: Hey, how are you?

Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

Me: Ok, and their names?

Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

Me now hates my life. :)

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.

I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!

Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.

Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.

Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???

Daina (😌): I know, right?

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?