Therapy jokes
I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.
My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.
I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!
Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.
My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
Why did the ass go to therapy?
It couldn't deal with all the crap.
My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.
Now we wait...
Why did the DJ go to therapy?
Because he had too many issues with his TURNTABLE.
Why did the rapper go to therapy?
To work on his FLOW ISSUES.
Why did the rapper go to therapy?
He had too many BARS he couldn't drop.
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.