I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.
My attempt in 2021.
And my attempt this year.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
My grief counselor died, he was so good, I didn't even care.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
What issues don't orphans have?
Daddy issues.
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
