Therapy jokes
Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.
My attempt in 2021.
And my attempt this year.
I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.
Memes
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
What issues don't orphans have?
Daddy issues.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.