Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.
My attempt in 2021.
And my attempt this year.
I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
What issues don't orphans have?
Daddy issues.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
