Therapy jokes

Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.

What's an emo's least favorite show?

Dr. Phil.

Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.

A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.

What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

(demons in my head) I laugh to meet them...

I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.

My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.

Why did the ass go to therapy?

It couldn't deal with all the crap.

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.

What issues don't orphans have?

Daddy issues.

Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.