Therapy jokes

Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."

Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.

A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”

The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”

(demons in my head) I laugh to meet them...

What's an emo's least favorite show?

Dr. Phil.

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.

My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.

Why did the ass go to therapy?

It couldn't deal with all the crap.

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

What issues don't orphans have?

Daddy issues.

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope.

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.

John walked into Pat at the barn. He was dancing naked in front of a tractor. John said, "Hey, Pat, what are you doing?"

Pat said, "Well, me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed, so I went to a therapist, and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)."