Them jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

I like Christmas.

It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁

Wanna know who can jump the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

How are orphans like broken pencils?

Neither of them have points.

Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?

They hate it when you hand it to them.

How do you get a retard out of a tree?

Wave at them.

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.

What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

When people tell me to "go to hell," I tell them their address.

Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?

Sans: What do you call them?

Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!

What do babies and explosives have in common?

They both make a noise when you throw them.

How do you punish a blind person?

Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

What do orgasms and pulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.