When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Them Jokes
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.
Like if you listen to Kidd G.
Comment if you listen to Polo G.
Share if you listen to NBA Youngboy.
Do all if you listen to all of them and you all of them if Kobe Bryant is a legend.
When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.
I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.
Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.
If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.
Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.
Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
