Them jokes
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.
Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...
Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
What do you say when an emo cuts themself?
"Like your cut, G."
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
How do you make people mad? You use the wrong category. It makes them go red.
Is "buttcheek" one word, or should I spread them?
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, "Just you wait!"
Q: What does encyclopedia mean by cut them in triple?
A: Encyclopedia, more like "An Cyclone Media!"
Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.
Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.
Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.