Them jokes

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.

A Mario & Luigi joke.

What are the Mario bros' view on child support?

Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.

Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!

An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.

What do you say when an emo cuts themself?

"Like your cut, G."

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?

Friend: What?

Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.

Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.

Q: What does encyclopedia mean by cut them in triple?

A: Encyclopedia, more like "An Cyclone Media!"

Every kid in a classroom is relevant, because if one of them gets shot, they will all be featured on the news.

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”

Is "buttcheek" one word, or should I spread them?

My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, "Just you wait!"

How do you make people mad? You use the wrong category. It makes them go red.

I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.

Why can’t orphans win trophies?

Because they can’t take them home.

Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?

To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.

A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:

"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!