Them jokes

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Why do trees never call Emos? Because they always hang up on them.

What do you say when an emo cuts themself?

"Like your cut, G."

Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?

Friend: What?

Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.

Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.

Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.

Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.

I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.

Why can’t orphans win trophies?

Because they can’t take them home.

Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?

To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.

A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:

"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"

How do you disrespect an Asian?

Give them driving lessons.

How do you get a retard out of a tree?

Wave at them.

How do you punish a blind person?

Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.

How do you piss off a color blind person?

Give them a Rubik's cube.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?

Bring them young.

What do orgasms and pulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

Why do rappers love the gym?

'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.