Them jokes
What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
Memes
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...
My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
How do you make people mad? You use the wrong category. It makes them go red.
Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.
Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.
Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.
What do you say when an emo cuts themself?
"Like your cut, G."
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.