Them jokes
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Why do trees never call Emos? Because they always hang up on them.
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
When people tell me to "go to hell," I tell them their address.
Memes
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
Wanna know who can jump the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.
I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.
Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
I told them, "Just you wait!"
Q: What does encyclopedia mean by cut them in triple?
A: Encyclopedia, more like "An Cyclone Media!"
Is "buttcheek" one word, or should I spread them?
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
Every kid in a classroom is relevant, because if one of them gets shot, they will all be featured on the news.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.
Why can’t orphans win trophies?
Because they can’t take them home.