Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.
Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.
Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
Why can’t orphans win trophies?
Because they can’t take them home.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
Why does Darth Vader always choke people?
Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
How do you get a retard out of a tree?
Wave at them.
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.
Why do trees never call Emos? Because they always hang up on them.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
