Them jokes

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap until their parents come back.

How do you get a depressed person to jump?

Put them on a bridge.

Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?

Friend: What?

Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.

Why do violists smile when they play? Because ignorance is bliss, and they don't know what can't hurt them.

What do Myspace and my dad have in common?

I haven't seen them in a while.

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Why do trees never call Emos? Because they always hang up on them.

What do you say when an emo cuts themself?

"Like your cut, G."

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.

Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.

Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.