Them jokes

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.

What moans about women but wouldn't exist without them? A triggered menimist.

The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.

If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.

When someone got the ghost in them, sound in the Priest Busters.

When something strange and it ain't no who you gonna call? Priest Busters.

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.

Why are orphans bad at dad jokes?

Because they don't have a dad to tell them.

Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.

I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.

People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!

1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.

What's the difference between my dad and Nemo?

I don't know. I still haven't found them.

Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied?

'Cause they can’t stand up for themselves.

This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!

I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."

Why can’t orphans order from Costa?

They need a parent or guardian with them.

How do you make Alabama cookies?

Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.

Where do you think all the orphans went?

In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.

I had the BEST day EVER.

1: I woke up.

2: I met someone I'm sad about.

3: I had fun and got them back again online.

But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD

Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.