The jokes
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?
A-doll Hitler!
I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
POV: You call the group of emos the "Suicide Squad."
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!
Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.
What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?
The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.
What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?
They both shoot when they see kids.
What's the difference between an apple and emos?
They both hang on trees.
I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.
Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.
What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?
*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*