The jokes
Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
The whole solar system is one big family, right? But everyone circles the sun.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
So you're the one!
Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit
I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.
I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.
I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.
What's long and not very hairy?
The conga line at the cancer department.
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.
Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?
A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.