The jokes
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?
"Here Comes the Sun."
What did the priest say to the skunk?
Let us spray.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queen.
Queen who?
You don't know the queen? You're crazy!
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a white baby?
"Sum Ting Wong."
Memes
I got kicked out of a library today because I put a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini.
The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.
Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What's the really bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.
There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.
Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"
What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?
They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"