The jokes

What do chickens play in the pool? Marco Polo.

Why was the man running around his bed?

Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!

Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?

Because it was over 10 years old.

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he wanted to cook up some FIRE BARS!

The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?

The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!

Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.

Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.

There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?

A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.

A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?

There's 20 of them.

There's two types of emo people:

1. People that cut side to side.

2. And people that cut up and down.

The most efficient is up and down.

What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?

Its butt.

These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.

Boy: Spell ME.

Girl: M-E.

Boy: You forgot the D.

Girl: There is no D in ME.

Boy: Not yet.

What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?

“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”

"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."

"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all

Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock

when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"

Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?

Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.

Why did the cow jump over the moon?

Because the farmer had cold hands!