The jokes

CPR

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.

Emo kid

Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.

Condom company

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

Memes

Orphan

Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.

9/11

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

Cancer

When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,

You respond: "cancer."

Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"

Emo

Why did the emo cross the road?

To not get to the other side.

Cemetery

I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.

Year

🎆 New Year's Eve

Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"

Mom👱🏻‍♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"

Dad👨🏻‍🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"

Kid

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."

Song

This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?

Well

Why did the man fall into a well? He couldn’t see that well.

Post

Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!