The jokes

What did the farmer say when he saw his chicken cross the road?

"No, my cock!"

What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?

"No, you ate my cock!"

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Devora Malka, the Nora School, Silver Springs, Maryland, also known as Opal.

What does “JETS” stand for?

Jihadis Eradicating The Skyscrapers.

Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?

A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.

What did the mic say to the rapper?

"Don’t DROP me, bro!"

Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.

Palestinians leave without saying goodbye.

Israel says goodbye when the Americans say so.

How do you play chess with a Catholic?

You put a condom on the bishop.

Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

Trump cut funding for Sesame Street.

I think he's jealous that the characters on Sesame Street can count to 10.

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

My friend said, “there shouldn’t be discrimination, just black and normal.”

That was also the same guy who said [link to joke].