The jokes

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

Like if you think Joel was a hero for saving Ellie instead of saving the world.

What's meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?

The guy that gave it to him.

Why can't 12 boys go down the elevator? Because they have nothing to press the buttons.

So big that when you step, you break the whole galaxy.

For those of you greener than a Mexican's card when it comes to this website, it's darker than the unemployment line.

Gay people when the GPS asks them to go straight.

Lesbians when the GPS asks them to go straight.

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.

You're so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, you broke the correction.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.

What is your favorite amendment? A rapper.

Where can you find the most dads?

Milk Island.

Yo mama so fat that when she fell on the concrete, nobody laughed, but the concrete cracked up.

You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.

What does the dumb kid say to the blind kid?

"Long time no see!"

Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.

My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!

My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.