The jokes

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?

"Stop staring at my nuts."

Why is it always cold in the hospital?

To keep the vegetables fresh.

So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."

Nancy, the throat goat!

Why is Delta jealous?

Because Omicron took the final kill.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Only the apple got picked up.

Someone went to fly and thought of pizza.

Why do orphans play baseball?

That’s the only way they can run to home.

Me. I am the joke.

What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.

I went into the supermarket; everything was half off. Of course, I took the bottom half of Spider-Man.

Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"

How many letters are in the English Alphabet?

Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.

If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.

Why did your mom cross the road?

Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.