The jokes

Chuck Norris knows why the chicken crossed the road.

Who were the fastest readers on the planet? 9/11 victims, they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds.

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

You know you have twisted humor when you crack a smile when a Minecraft farmer says he separates the white sheep from the colored ones.

Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?

They're still hanging.

What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?

Have a blood transfusion.

What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?... One always gets picked.

The orphan tried to play baseball, but he couldn't get home because home doesn't exist for him.

Bro, this guy's hairline I saw the other day was nowhere to be seen.

Yo mama's so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.

Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?

A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.

Yo mama's so stupid, when I said, "Drinks on the house," she got a ladder.

Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.

WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.

Why did the snowman say, "Good day," to the sun?

Because it was afraid to melt away by the sun.

So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.

It worked really well in my local hospital.

Why did Hitler's cookies taste bad? He forgot to clean out the oven.

What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?

"What does this button do...?"

A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.

Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.