Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.
I don't get it.
Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".
I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.
Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."
He turns, he shoots!
And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
