That jokes

Duck

    • What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?

    A quack head!

    My mom must be a duck then...

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    • Guitar

    • I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

    That memes

    Brain

    • The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

    But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

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    • Woman

    • What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?

    My last if she knows what's good for her.

    Phone

    • I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.

    I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."

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    • Wave

    • Me: That’s a good WAVE.

    Friend: I SEA it.

    Wave: Doesn't break for us to surf on.

    Me: I was SHORE it would be good.

    Friend: I SEA what you did there.

    Kid

    • One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

    She asked me, "What are you doing?"

    I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

    She asked, "What does that mean?"

    I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

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    • White people

    • Why do white people colonize everything?

    To steal a culture for themselves, something other than fornicating with anything that moves including their own children and pets, which they already do.

    Pistol

    • Me: How does this thing work?

    ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

    ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

    Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

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    • Parrot

    • This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"

    So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."

    They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"

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