That jokes
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.
I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.
I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"
What do you call a fat woman that prays?
A holy cow.
A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
Yo mama so Karen that when she went to hell, she asked Satan for the manager.
There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
You're so retarded, if there was a clone of you that was supposed to be smart, it would still be retarded.
I'm not into scatplay. In fact, I think that shit's disgusting.
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
What is a guide dog 🐶 that cannot walk? A useless guide 🐶.