That Jokes

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.

Why do orphans work boomerangs?

Because it's the only thing that comes back.

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

Can you relate

A baby with wide eyes and a surprised expression is being held by a person whose face is partially visible. Text overlay reads: "THAT MOMENT WHEN YOUR DAD USES YOUR PHONE".

"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

I took my girlfriend to a Chinese restaurant. One hour after ordering, I went to ask the chef what was going on. That was until I heard barking from the kitchen.

Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

Any joke that I make about 9/11 has a tendency to crash and burn.

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".