That jokes
Yo mama is so fat that when she was at school, they needed a satellite to take her school photo.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
What is long, hard and has cum in it? Cucumber.
What is a 3 letter word that starts with S ends with X and has a vowel? Six.
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
What do you call a deer that has no eye? No-eye deer!
NASA = Not Africa North America. That's what NASA stands for.
Your mama is so ugly! Ghostface from Scream won't even make that call!
A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"
The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."
What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
Sydney has a fat pair of spammy flaps that smell of fish 🎣.
What do you call a Jedi that can use the force to fly?
A Jedi Flight.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Yo mama so hairy that she got a haircut and lost 47 pounds.
What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
Why do nuns walk in groups?
So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".