That jokes

What's the one school event that orphans don't go to?

Parents' evening.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."

Yo mama so stupid that she had an appointment with Dr. Pepper.

Moo!

Cow: I was just about to say that!

Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?

Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.

Yo momma's so ugly that she made One Direction turn into the Other Directions.

It's so sad that Stephen Hawking has a whole category on here about him and he can't stand up for himself.

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

Yo mama so fat that Thanos had to snap twice!

There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit.

An orange jumpsuit that is :)

I am looking for a Robert "Jamie" Weber. He is a friend of mine from 3rd grade that welcomed me as the new kid. I am currently in 6th grade going into 7th grade (summer brake).

Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”

Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.

Me: I have no bullet holes.

Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.

Me: Ayo what the fuc*.

You didn't know that Helen Keller is dead? It's fine; neither does she.

You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, Greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.