That jokes

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

So, if she gargles your cum, is that a jacuzzi daycare?

Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

"Yo mama is so fat that when I buried her, she made the Earth round."

How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?

Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.

What do you call the woman that fucked sooooooo many hunks to have the condom break and a failure to be born? Ur Mum.

So, unfortunately, I got kicked out of the library again because, for some reason, they say that books on women's rights don't go in the fantasy section.

Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.

Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.

My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

"Islam it is."

Ever heard of the game T.T.2: 9/11? That game was bomb.

Joe Mama so fat that when Santa came to our house he said, "Ho ho HOLY SHIT, she damn thick."

Your hairline goes sooooo far back that dinosaurs exist on it.

Your hairline is so far back that Green Lantern became Blue Torch.

What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!

Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.

It's women that make it hard.

I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.

Why can't orphans see all these jokes on this website that we're posting?

'Cause they don't know where the home page is.