That jokes

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

Ur momma's so fat that when she became a spy her codename was OObese.

Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?

Ok, so I know most or all of you guys hate me, and that's fine. You guys most likely know me as a horrible person, which I don't know where you would hear that from.

And finally, I am truly a good person; you just need to know me better. The only reason I fought Tina and Jack was because I was trying to be nice to another guy. Then I realized what side I should have been on. I'm pretty sure everyone on this hates me. Just I'm sorry, and just forgive me. Alya, Tina, Jack, and someone else, I think all are nice people; they just stick up for each other, and that's what I realized. So if you still hate me, it's fine; I'll be leaving this app soon, maybe. Hate makes me sad, even though I use it, but I know what was wrong. I want to join the good side, so just give a chance. This was watersharky's Apologies.

What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.

That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)

Hiii everyone, I heard from many people that they want to join the "stop orphan jokes" group. Who wants to?

Are you my friend?

Because I would make you more than that.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"

Yo mama is so hairy that she brushed it like her hair and put pins on it.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

(On their 1-2 loss to Watford) Ty: Well, we mustn't forget that it's been raining so...

Robbie: It's been raining???

Ty: Yeah!

Robbie: Are you being serious??? It's raining for both teams!

Your mamma is so fat that even a North Korean missile would have competition.

Hey, I just wanna be in bed. I just wanna stay ahead. I just feel like I am dead, And I like that color red. Hey, I am not the big fat loser, And you're just a big accuser, You user and excuser.

Say this to you sister, toxic BF, anyone :)

I should name my dog Ariana Grande.

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.

Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?

Friend: Why?

Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

What do you call a Democrat that is a progressive?

A Democrat that lost in a presidential election.

Yo mama is so ugly that even Donald Trump couldn't be inside her dreams.

Yo mama so fat that when she was on the moon, she had it sent right into the abyss of outer space.