That jokes

(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?

(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.

(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!

(Kid) Quit what?

(Bus Driver) Living.

(Kid) But it was a joke!

(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.

(Kid) Ok.

(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!

Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?

The lobsters in the kitchen.

If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.

God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

Yo mama was so big, she was the iceberg that sunk the Titanic.

So you're saying a penny is worth more than a penny?

That don't make no cents.

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

Jo mama so fat that when aliens invaded earth, they said, "Wow, two in one!"

I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.

I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut. It turns out he was moaning.

You know that I drink water, right? I drink water because I am water. Water is water.

Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.

Me: How do you know that?

You are so skinny that they won't let you ride a fucking roller coaster because you flew before.

You tell your dad what one plus one is and he says five. You forgot that your dad's brain is on the floor.

Elementary school kids: School is fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

If you don't like racist people, isn't that discrimination?

"Meow, meow, woof, woof." That's what animals say to me when I die.

I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.