That jokes
Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
Why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
Did you hear that song about 9/11? It was a real banger!
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
What do you call a pig that does Karate?
Your mama was so fat that she sunk the Titanic!
What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
One, I grow some som more, yea, I am 4. I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, that's me.
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.
Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.
Other family members: ...