That jokes

I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.

It's a sad state of affairs.

One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"

Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."

"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"

"Maybe it was a tricycle."

"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"

The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"

Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."

That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"

Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"

Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."

Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?

A Jacko Lantern!

Your mama is so ugly that when she walked in the bank, they had to turn off the cameras.

This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ

"He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."

Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(

The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.

I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

That bloke Dean's a cunt!

Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.

This is not a joke. Have you ever thought about it? You’re an emo while wearing black. So what if you are black? Does that mean you’re an emo because you are black and emos wear black? ;)

Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.

Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.

Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)

Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?

Because that's the average classroom size.

Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.

"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret

"Why?" - Depressed boy

"Because he got ran over." - Margaret

"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy

Your mama's so fat that she's bigger than the Titanic.

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.