That jokes

If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.

God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

Yo mama was so big, she was the iceberg that sunk the Titanic.

So you're saying a penny is worth more than a penny?

That don't make no cents.

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

Jo mama so fat that when aliens invaded earth, they said, "Wow, two in one!"

I thought that kid was walking cool when I had my ears shut. It turns out he was moaning.

You know that I drink water, right? I drink water because I am water. Water is water.

Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.

Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.

Me: How do you know that?

You are so skinny that they won't let you ride a fucking roller coaster because you flew before.

You tell your dad what one plus one is and he says five. You forgot that your dad's brain is on the floor.

Elementary school kids: School is fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

If you don't like racist people, isn't that discrimination?

Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."

You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.

Your mom is so ugly that even Medusa turned to stone from looking at her!

Your mom is so overweight that she broke the stairway to heaven.

"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"

"I think you should ask yourself that."

What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.

Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.