You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.
"Brian, can I see that paper for a sec?"
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
When you're watching a 9/11 documentary, that one kid in your class finds the 97th Jenga block and knocks it down.
Did you know that Helen keller had a pet monkey? No Neither did she
What’s water see in orphans that they don’t. There parents.
I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
What's worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? One's alive at the bottom. What's even worse than THAT? It eats it's way out. Wait it gets worse... It goes back for seconds. Just one more I swear... It fucks one of it's siblings at the bottom.
Who's the Roblox YouTuber that always sees Among Us and says "stupid"?
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
What did Michael Jackson say when Anne got hurt?
"♫ ANNIE, ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE? ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY. BUT JUST TELL US, THAT YOU'RE OKAY. ♫"
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words... through the pillow.
There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.
Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.
My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
