That jokes

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.

I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.

My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

GOOD MORNING USA!!!! I GOT A FEELING THAT IVE SEEN A FUCKIN NlGGER TODAY!!!

It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Fuck you, that's why.

Your hairline is so far back that not even Tom Brady could throw that far.

Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.

Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."

Her: "No."

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale said: "OOOWWWWW!!!! Get off me, you overweight bucket of lard."

Your hairline is so far back that if you wore yellow, people would think you were One Punch Man.

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.