That jokes

Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

What does a website have that an orphan doesn't? A home.

Why is it that orphans love Frisbees so much?

Because they return eventually.

What does Batman have that Superman doesn't?

The ability to visit his biological parents' grave.

Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"

What is the thing that orphans miss the most?

Their parents.

It cost me $100 to ride a taxi over your belly, it was that big!

The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!

Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:

You) I 1 poopoo

(Them) I 2 poopoo

(You) I 3 poopoo

(Them) I 4 poopoo

(You) I 5 poopoo

(Them) I 6 poopoo

(You) I 7 poopoo

(Them) I 8 poopoo

And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

What do you call a tire that is tired?

A tire, I guess. ❤️

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.

You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔

What do you call a wheelchair kid that is on fire?

Hot Wheels.

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."