When you're in the World Trade Center and you connect to airplane wifi.
Apparently, rich people have the smallest penises. It makes sense why Bill Gates called it "MicroSoft."
Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! ππ€£
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: Whatβs the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
ENTER PASSWORD.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
WRONG.
RESET PASSWORD.
NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.
Sets fire to computer.
Uber driver: .........
Me: .........
Uber driver: .........
Me: 5 stars.
Whatβs a vacuum cleanerβs favorite plant?
Answer: SUCCulent
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."
What do women and Nvidia have in common?
They both do not make very good drivers.
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
Yo forehead so big you think in HD.
I tried to search stuff about 9/11 for a research project, but it didnβt work... I guess the site crashed.
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
What is Michael Jackson's favorite button?
Light mode.
Bro, yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this:
"Error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance."
Anyone know what bird that is?
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
Why did the Xbox player cross the road? To render in the buildings.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.
Son: Okay, I'll do it!
5 hours later...
Son: I'm done!
Dad: I lied.
Son: So did I!
