Technology jokes
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
What do you call two AI systems that are in love with each other? Member of chat LGBT.
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
Stephen Hawking is just in a role play. He died to a crash in Minecraft.
Hey Siri, skip to Friday!
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
Your mom is so fat the space shuttle can see her from 10,000 miles away.
Your mom does not need the internet. She's already worldwide.
What do you call a family picture for an orphan?
A selfie.
Where's your off button?
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
Yo mama so stupid, your mama thinks that VR is real life.
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
When an orphan takes a family photo, it's called a selfie.
Why can't an orphan watch T.V.?
Because it can't find the home button.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Why do orphans not use iPhones?
Because they don't have a home button.
Why don't orphans have iPhones?
Because they don't have a home button.
What do iPhones and the Titanic have in common?
There's no Jack!