Technology jokes

"Why am I ugly?"

Google would like to operate your camera.

How is Stephen Hawking dead?

His Windows shit down.

I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.

She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.

I made a website for orphans. It doesn't have a homepage.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.

What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”

What's an alien's favorite computer key?

The space bar!

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion flies you into towers.

What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?

They both get turned on by children.

So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.

That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.

Why are birds good at social media?

Because they "tweet" all the time!?

What do Ethiopian people have better than Australians?

Internet.

What do you call a digital hamburger? Processed meat.

It took Jesus 3 days to respond.

Worst lag ever!

A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.

"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"

And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.

"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"

And so he did.

What's the difference between my phone and my sister?

I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?

F5

Science took us to the moon, and religion took us into a skyscraper.