Teaching jokes

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!

When your grandma says she's rusty but still manages to teach you.

I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.

How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!

I teach orphans.

But the problem is I can't give them homework.

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

What's the worst place to teach an orphan? Homeschool.

A note for my History Teacher:

Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.

Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.

Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.

"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."

1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."

A boy in nursery asked a girl out. She ran away crying in fear, so he just went back to teaching.

Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.

In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.

One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post

What's the easiest way to get straight A's? Use a ruler.

For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?

"Chancel culture!"

Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:

Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.

Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.

Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.