Suicide jokes

A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.

Me: I have lost it.

Random: Lost what?

Me: My will to live.

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉

Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...

My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!

I have a funny joke: my life.

Japanese people are so cool and organized, they have their own ways of suicide.

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.

If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?

Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.

Tbh they really left me hanging there.

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

I finally got a girlfriend.

Her name is Remington Model 32.

What place can you always find suicidal cows at?

"McDonald's."

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.

Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.

My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.

How do you get your grass to cut itself?

Make it depressed.

What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?

Suicide Boomer.

Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"

Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.