Suicide jokes
Q: What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and wind chimes?
A: Wind chimes don't make a gurgling sound when they're hung.
"Mitchnite burger."
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
Why do trannies suck at being soldiers? Because they have a 41% casualty rate.
"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.
How were tire swings made?
A tire said, "Goodbye world," and hung himself.
What falls first, an apple or an Emo kid?
An apple, because the Emo has a rope holding them.
What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?
The rope.
I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.
It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
No joke.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?
The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.
I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging.
What did the tree say to the depressed kid?
"Stop hanging around."